]Being in many different situations has, in my experience, turned out to be a pretty good way to get to know yourself. The things that stay consistent are probably part of your core being and the things that change is probably a part of yourself that you should get to know better to figure out what you really are.
My natural condition is apathy. I tried to come up with a better work for it, but I don't have one. When I am in a comfortable place, I just do not give one eff. I am so happy to go with the flow and move with the universe. Now, there will be people that disagree and say that I am not easy-going (hmm, probably a nicer term but I'm not changing it). I would beg to differ and posit that if you believe that, you have seen me in a high stress situation. I would argue that our true selves do not come out in such a scenario as we are in a place where our survival instincts are coming out. [I just had a, "wait a minute, that might not be right," moment but I'm gonna keep going with my argument. . . ]
When I sat with that, the feeling that I am easy going and really not an anxious or self conscious person, it came up for me that perhaps my anxiety is not because I am a nervous person. Perhaps it is an uncomfortable feeling of guilt that deep down, I don't want to give a sh*t about what is going on and society has made me feel that, to be a good person, I need to care about these things.
Well I don't. I do not give on sh*t. Not one.
I challenge you to think about some of your beliefs about yourself and observe some of your tendencies. . . what changes around different people? What feels better to you? What feels lighter?
Because not caring and going with the flow feels a WHOLE HELL OF A LOT LIGHTER than this anxious feeling I have come to be used to (which sort of starts another conversation. . . am I just anxious because this has become a known state for me?. . . we'll save that for another day. . .)