I have been looking for my "calling" my whole life. I knew early on that I was not supposed to get up, work a job, and come home at the end of that day. If that's for you, that's fantastic. There are a lot of people I know who that works (or worked) really, really well for. They lived the life they wanted and those were their terms. Those are not my terms.
The problem is that I never did anything about it. I was explained the careers that did or didn't make money and how much money my "fancy" college education was going to get me. This advice was all given to me by well meaning people but was flat out untrue. They might have been true at another time. This is not that time.
Once I started working and realized that it was even worse than I had imagined, I sought help to figure out what it was that I should do. I got more advice. This advice was different: find yourself.
Find yourself? How the hell do I find myself?
Well, you figure out what you love. What drives you.
Nothing. Nothing drives me. Literally, nothing.
Well it took me until recently in my life that I actually had the answer. Or at least the first step of the answer. Meditate. Literally do nothing. Do the research. There is a lot of anecdotal evidence out there that if you're lost, time in silence is actually very powerful and very helpful.
But you aren't here to hear about how meditation is so helpful in my life. You want to know how to find yourself. How about, stop looking?
What if you are yourself? Perhaps let go of the idea that you are not yourself. Then you will be yourself. Stop holding on to everyone else's ideas of you. Don't "let go" of those ideas, stop holding on. Seriously. Try that rephrasing in your mind. See how it feels.
I feel like this was a misleading post. You're welcome.