I love to look at myself. Well, hmmm. Scratch that. I love to improve myself. That starts with a good hard look in the mirror. No matter what, knowing where you are is the first step.
The second step is knowing where you want to go. I have known I have wanted to speak to a large audience for a while now but I have been struggling with the exact way to do it. I decided I wanted to start a YouTube channel. (It isn't private but I am not advertising it right now. ) I thought that perhaps if I started a little show I would get used to speaking to people (even if it isn't live) and having to form thoughts out loud for an audience. I thought it would be good experience and maybe I would even get good at it and it might go somewhere (though, YouTube star is certainly not the goal).
I am on my third episode. It is surprisingly hard to edit these videos. . . at least on the YouTube site. At this point, that's what I've got and where I'm starting. What I am getting at is though I thought I had all of this funny content about my opinions of the world and how ridiculous I sometimes find people. I meant it strictly for comedic value. So I made an outline and I recorded a video last week. It forced me to really look at myself and my opinions and I realized, I sounded like a terrible person. All I was talking about was how some people get all of the luck and I end up on the short end of the stuck (not true) and how people drive me crazy with their selfish-ness (I was sounding pretty selfish myself). I sounded like a b*tch that just complains. But that isn't me? How could that be me? I'm all love and light, damnit! I've worked hard to get here!
Well, it most certainly was me. (Actually I got with some of my friends later in the week and released the junk that was coming up but this isn't to get into the energy work side of this story.) And I needed that reality check. I needed to look myself in the mirror and say, "is something triggering this? Is this stuff that's coming up even mine?"
I guess what I'm saying is it happens to the best of us. It's okay to get a wake up call as long as you answer it.